Straight from the horse's
mouth... BtVS: Season 2
Here are some more quotes from my favorite TV show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer. They are divided up by episodes in chronological order.
When She Was Bad
If you don't tell anyone I'm the Slayer, I won't tell anyone you're a moron. --Buffy to Cordy
Use the Force, Luke. --Willow
I don't know what your problem is, what your issues are. But as of this moment I officially don't care. --Xander
If they hurt Willow, I'll kill you. --Xander
It was a nightmare, a total nightmare. I mean, they promised me they’d take me to St. Croix, and then they just decide to go to Tuscany. Art and buildings? I was totally beachless for a month and a half. No one has suffered like I have. Of course I think that that kind of adversity builds character. Well, then I thought, I already have a lot of character. Is it possible to have too much character? --Cordelia
Cordy: Get over it.
Buffy: Excuse me?
Cordy: Whatever is causing the Joan Collins 'tude, deal with it. Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet or whatever, but get over it.
Principal Snyder: There are some things I can just smell. It's like a 6th sense.
Giles: Actually, that would be one of the five.
Xander: I'm a man. I have certain desires, certain needs.
Willow: Uh, I don't want to know.
Willow: Angel stopped by? Did it have anything to do with kissing?
Buffy: Willow, grow up. Not everything's about kissing.
Xander: Yeah, some stuff's about groping. Was it about groping?
Buffy: OK, hormones on parade here?
Willow: That's what it was. Why else would she be acting like such a b-i-t-c-h?
Giles: Willow, I think we're a little too old to be spelling things out.
Xander: A bitca?
Note: Come to the Bronze before it opens, or we make her a meal.
Xander: They're gonna cook her dinner?
Angel: I can't help feeling I've done something to make you angry, and that bothers me more than I'd like.
Buffy: I'm not angry. I don't know where it comes from.
Angel: What are you afraid of? Me? Us?
Buffy: Could you comtemplate getting over yourself for a second? There's no us. Look, Angel, I'm sorry if I was supposed to spend the summer mooning over you, but I didn't. I moved on. [walks away and mutters] To the living.
Cordelia: You're really campaigning for bitch of the year, aren't you?
Buffy: As defending champion are you nervous?
Giles: The mystical energy that emanates from it is still concentrated in this area.
Xander: Which means we're still the undead's favorite party town.
Buffy: So, is this a social call? It is kinda' late...or, well, it is for me, anyway. What is it for you, lunch hour?
Angel: It's not a social call.
Buffy: Ah, so let me guess. That means grave danger. Gosh, it's good to be home.
Angel: I'm sorry, I wish I had better news.
Buffy: So, some of your cousins are in town for a family barbecue, and we're all on the menu.
Cordelia: What an ordeal. And you know what the worst part is?
Jenny Calendar: What?
Cordelia: It stays with you forever. No matter what they tell you, none of that rust and blood and grime comes out. I mean, you can dry clean till judgment day, but you are living with those stains.
Jenny: Yeah, that's the worst part of being hung upside down by a vampire who wants to slit your throat: the stains. [sarcasm]
Cordelia: I hear ya.
Xander: Are we overlooking the idea that she may be very attracted to me? [Willow and Giles give him a look.] She's possessed.
Giles: Possessed by what?
Willow: By a possessing thing.
Giles: Well, that narrows it down.
Xander: Yo, G-Man! What's up?
Giles: Nice to see you, and don't ever call me that.
Buffy: I don't think I can face them.
Giles: Of course you can.
Buffy: I can't! What am I supposed to say? “Sorry I almost got your throats slit. What's the homework?”
Giles: Punishing yourself like this is pointless.
Buffy: It's entirely pointy. I was a moron. I put my best friends in mortal danger on the second day of school.
Giles: What are you going to do? Crawl inside a cave for the rest of your life?
Buffy: Would it have cable?
Giles: Buffy, you acted wrongly, I'll admit that, but believe me, that was hardly the worst mistake you'll ever make. [Buffy just stares at him.] That wasn't quite as comforting as it was meant to be.
Buffy: Well, points for effort.
Some Assembly Required
I fear you. --Buffy to Xander
...which I only did to make you jealous, behold my success! --Buffy to Angel
Aww, you have to go? Too bad. Keep in touch. Buh-bye. --Xander
I don't think we should have to do anything educational in school if we don't want to. --Cordy
She's a technopagan, right? Ask her to bless your laptop. --Buffy
What I'm proposing is, um, and I don't mean to appear indecorous is, um, a social engagement, a date, if you're amenable....Oh, you idiot! ---Giles (to a chair)
Boy, I guess we never realized how much you like that chair. --Buffy to Giles
Then if you wouldn't mind a little Gene and Roger, you might want to leave off the idiot part. Being called an idiot tends to take people out of the dating mood. --Buffy to Giles (on his pick-up lines)
Giles: Just working on...
Buffy: Your pick-up lines?
Buffy: You also might wanna avoid words like “amenable” and “indecorous”. You know? Speak English, not whatever they speak in, uh...
Buffy: Yeah. You just say, “Hey, I got a thing. You maybe have a thing. Maybe we could have a thing?”
Giles: Well, thank you, Cyrano.
Buffy: I'm not finished. Then you say, “How do you feel about Mexican?”
Giles: About Mexicans?
Buffy: Mexican. Food. You take her for food, for which you then pay.
Xander: So, this chair woman. We are talking Ms. Calendar, right?
Giles: What makes you think that?
Xander: Simple deduction. Ms. Calendar is reasonably dollsome, especially for someone in your age bracket. She already knows you're a school librarian, so you don't have to worry about how to break that embarrassing news to her.
Buffy: And she's the only woman we've ever seen actually speak to you. Add it up and it all spells “Duh!”
Xander: Now is it time to have a talk about the facts of life?
Giles: You know, I'm suddenly deciding this is none of your business.
Xander: You know, 'cause that whole stork thing is a smoke screen!
Eric: Look at her legs!
Willow: No, thank you.
Xander: So, we dig up graves tonight?
Willow: Oh, boy. A field trip.
Angel: We found some of them.
Buffy: You mean, like, two of the three?
Angel: I mean, like, some of them. Like parts.
Cordelia: It was horrible. Angel saved me from an arm.
Angel: I think they kept some parts.
Buffy: Could this get yuckier?
Willow: They probably kept the other parts to eat!
Buffy: Question answered.
Angel: Cordelia told me the truth.
Xander: Ha ha! That's gotta be a first.
You undead liar guy. --Xander
What's the up, guys? --Xander
You know what I find works real good with Slayers? Killing them Oh, yeah, I did a couple Slayers in my time. I don't like to brag. Oh, who am I kidding? I love to brag! --Spike
I'm a veal kind of guy. You're too old to eat. --Spike
Oh Please! If every vampire who said he was at the crucifixion was actually there, it would have been like Woodstock. I was actually at Woodstock. That was a weird gig. I fed off a flower person, and I spent the next six hours watching my hand move. --Spike
Our new friend Spike. He's known as "William the Bloody". Earned his nickname by torturing his victims with railroad spikes. Very pleasant. Well, here's some good news: he's barely two hundred. He's not even as old as Angel is. Oh. I think your suggestion of running away this Saturday might've been a good one. Spike has fought two Slayers in the last century, and... he's killed them both. --Giles
Buffy: Do we really need weapons for this?
Spike: I like them. They make me feel all manly.
Spike: No, you never were. So, why're you so scared of this Slayer?
Spike: Yeah. Time was you would've taken her out in a heartbeat. Now look at you. I bet this, uh, tortured thing is an act, right? You're not...housebroken?
Angel: I saw her kill the Master. Hey, you think you can take her alone? Be my guest. I'll just feed and run.
Spike: Don't be silly! We're all friends. We'll do it together. Let's drink to it... You think you can fool me?! You were my sire, man! You were my...Yoda!
Angel: Things change.
Spike: Not us! Not demons! Man, I can't believe this.
Xander: Does anyone remember when Saturday night meant date night?
Cordelia: You sure don't.
Snyder: On the other hand, Sheila never burned down a school building.
Buffy: Well, that was never proven. The Fire Marshall said it could have been mice.
Buffy: Mice that were smoking?
Inca Mummy Girl
Ay, caramba. --Xander
Willow: On the other hand, maybe Rodney just stepped out for a smoke.
Xander: For 21 hours?
Willow: It's addictive, you know.
Cordelia: Devon, I told you I'd be at the dance tonight, but I am *not* one of your little groupies. I won't be all doe-eyed looking up at you, standing at the edge of the stage.
Devon: Got it.
Cordelia: So, I'll see you afterwards?
Devon: Sure. Where do you wanna meet?
Cordelia: I'll be standing at the edge of the stage.
Buffy: I wasn't gonna use violence. I don't always use violence, do I?
Xander: The important thing is, you believe that.
Ampata: You are strange.
Xander: Girls always tell me that. Right before they run away.
What the hell...I'm tired of being mature. --Buffy
Angel, when I look into the future, a-a... all I see is you! All I want is you. --Buffy
One day I'll have money. Prestige. Power. And on that day they'll still have more. --Xander
When he got so mad about you being in danger and turned into a... grrrr...it was the most amazing thing I ever saw. --Willow
And you! You're gonna live forever, and you don't have time for a cup of coffee?!?! --Willow to Angel
Angel: This isn't some fairytale. When I kiss you, you don't wake up from some deep sleep and live happily ever after.
Buffy: No when you kiss me, I want to die.
Willow: I know--we could go to the Bronze, sneak in our own tea bags, and ask for hot water.
Xander: Hop off the outlaw train, Will, before you land us all in jail.
Buffy: I told one lie, I had one drink.
Giles: Yes, and you were very nearly devoured by a giant demon snake. The words "let that be a lesson" are a tad redundant at this juncture.
She couldn't have dressed up like Xena? --Willow
Oh, he's a vampire. Of course! But the cuddly kind. Like a Care Bear with fangs? --Cordelia, referring to Angel
Oh, fabu! [sarcasm] More clinging! --Cordelia, referring to Buffy
Buffy...what's up with your hair? --Angel
I'm not meant to fight. I'm just here to look pretty, and then someone will marry me. Possibly a baron. --Buffy
Buffy: I think I just violated the guy code big time.
Willow: Poor Xander. Boys are so fragile.
Buffy: A demon, a demon, a demon!
Willow: That's not a demon, it's a car.
Buffy: What does it want?
Giles: Janus: Roman mythical god.
Willow: What does this mean?
Giles: Division of self, primarily. Male and female. Light and dark.
Ethan: Chunky and creamy. Oh, no, sorry. That's peanut butter.
Xander: It was way creepy. It's like I was there, but I couldn't get out.
Cordelia: Yeah, I know the feeling. This outfit's totally skintight. [Angel walks past to Buffy, ignoring Cordelia.] Hello! It felt like I was talking. My lips were moving and...
Xander: Give it up, Cordy. You're never gonna get between those two. Believe me, I know.
Buffy: You're beginning to scare me, Giles. You need to have some fun.
[She waves to Willow to come in as he's looking down at his books. Willow shakes her head and mouths 'no'. Giles looks up, and Buffy pulls her hand back and pretends she was scratching her head.]
Buffy: You know, there's this place you can go, right, and you sit in the dark, and there are these moving pictures, right, and the pictures tell a story.
Giles: Yes, yes, ha, ha, very droll.
[Willow quietly comes in.]
Giles: I'll have you know that I have very, uh, many relaxing hobbies.
Buffy: Such as?
Giles: Well, um...
[Buffy mouths something to Willow to goad her on.]
Giles: I enjoy cross-referencing.
Buffy: Do you stuff your own shirts, or do you send them out?
[She grabs a book from the stack he's about to take to his office and walks around him to draw his view away from his office door.]
Buffy: So! How come Halloween is such a big yawner? I mean, do the demons just hate how commercial it's become?
Giles: Um, it's interesting, actually... Not, I suspect, to you. What is it you're after?
[Willow has made it to the office door.]
Buffy: Of course, it's of interest to me! I'm the Slayer. I need to know these things. You can't keep me in the dark any longer.
[Willow opens the door and starts in. Giles grabs the stack of books again and starts to turn to his office.]
Buffy: Look at me when I talk to you!
[Willow looks over at them anxiously.]
Giles: I really don't have time for these games.
Buffy: Ms. Calendar said you were a babe.
[Willow looks back again, but this time gives Buffy a look and shakes her head.]
Giles: She said what?
Buffy: Well, she said that you were a... h-hunk of burning... something or other. So, whadaya think of that?
Giles: Uh, I... I don't, um, uh... A burning hunk of what?
Buffy: Look. You know how disgusting it is for me to even contemplate you grownups having smoochies, [sees Willow come out of the office with a diary] but I think you should go for it.
Giles: Buffy, I appreciate your interest, but...
[Willow hurries past the counter.]
Buffy: But I've overstepped my bounds. It's none of my business, you know. What was I thinking? My God! Shame, [Willow goes out the door] shame. I gotta go. [quickly walks out]
Giles: A babe? [smirks] I can live with that.
Lie To Me
Angel, if I tell you something you don't like, do you promise not to bite me? --Willow
Go. Experience this thing called fun. I'll try not to have a crisis. --Buffy
Here's a tip, Braintrust! You die, and a demon sets up shop in your old house and it walks and it talks and it remembers your life, but it's not you! --Buffy
Oh, THAT'S what that song means? --Willow
You have too many thoughts. --Xander to Willow
Sure thing, bossy the cow. --Xander to Angel
Oh, great. I'm so the 'Net girl! --Willow
I've known you for two minutes and I can't stand you. I don't really feature you living forever. Can I eat him now, love? --Spike
Xander: Yeah, I'll have to go with Dead Boy on this one.
Angel: Would you not call me that!
Xander: Angel was in your bedroom?
Willow: Ours is a forbidden love.
Buffy: It's like, the more I know, the more confused I get.
Giles: I believe that's called growing up.
Buffy: I'd like to stop then, OK?
Buffy: Does it get easy?
Giles: What do you want me to say?
Buffy: Lie to me.
Giles: Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after.
The Dark Age
Now there's something you don't see every day. --Willow
Giles lived for school. He's still bitter that there were only 12 grades. --Xander
I know music. Music had notes. This is noise. --Giles
Willow: HEY! We don't have time for this! Our friends are in trouble! Now, we have to put our heads together and....and get them out of it! And if you two aren't with me a hundred and ten percent, then get the hell out of my library!
Cordelia: We're sorry.
Xander: We'll be good.
Jenny: Morning, England.
Giles: Oh, hello, Ms.--um, uh--Jenny.
Willow: Feel the passion?
Willow: Coughing, not speaking.
Cordy: And I can take a hint. What's the hint?
Giles: To come back later.
Cordy: Yeah, when you've visited decaf land.
Buffy: Xander, how do you feel about rifling through Giles's personal files, see if you can shed some light?
Xander: I feel pretty good about it. Does that make me a sociopath?
Giles: Just don't be late.
Buffy: Have I ever let you down?
Giles: Do you want me to answer that, or should I just glare?
Jenny: Rupert, I'm lying. I just love to see you squirm.
Giles: Well, I hope I gave a good...squirm.
What's My Line?
You've been a very bad daddy! -- Dru to Angel
I am the bugman coo-coo-cachu! --Xander
Angel's our friend...except I don't like him. --Xander
I'll jump off that bridge when I come to it. --Buffy
That's it. I've had it. Spike is going down. You can attack me, you can send assassins after me, that's fine. But nobody messes with my boyfriend. --Buffy
No, Angel, it's not you. You're the one freaky thing in my freaky world that still makes sense to me. --Buffy
Color me stunned. --Buffy
I mock you with my monkey pants! --Oz
Don't warn the tadpoles. --Willow
Kendra, my emotions give me power. They're total assets! --Buffy
Oh, I know so. You're good, but power alone isn't enough. A good fighter needs to know how to improvise, to go with the flow. Uh-uh, seriously, don't get me wrong, y-you really do have potential. --Buffy
Sshhh. Rruff. Bad dog. --Drusilla
Giles: Maybe Buffy unplugged her phone.
Xander: No, it's a statistical impossibility for a sixteen year-old girl to unplug her phone.
Willow: Oh, goody. Research party.
Xander: Will, you need a life in the worst way.
Xander: Come on, Cordy. You can't be a member of the Scooby Gang if you aren't willing to be inconvenienced now and then.
Cordelia: Oh, right. ‘Cause I lie awake at night hoping you tweekos will be my best friends.
Kendra: Because it is required. The slayer handbook insists on it.
Willow: There's a slayer's handbook?
Buffy: Wai--Handbook? What handbook? How come I don't have a handbook?
Willow: Is there a T-shirt too? 'Cause that would be cool.
Angel: Buffy, you scared me.
Buffy: Now you know what it feels like, Stealth Guy.
Willy: I'm livin' right, Angel.
Angel: Sure you are, Willy....and I'm taking up sunbathing.
Buffy: Just stopping by for some quality time with Mr. Gordo?
Angel: Excuse me?
Buffy: The pig.
Giles: It's a reliquary. Used to house items of religious significance. Most commonly a finger or some other body part from a saint.
Buffy: Note to self: religion freaky.
[She leans against the wall as Giles scans around the rest of the room with the flashlight. He spots a name engraved on a stone high above.]
Giles: Du Lac. Oh dear, oh dear.
Buffy: I hate when you say that.
Giles: Josephus du Lac was buried here. He belonged to a religious sect that was excommunicated by the Vatican at the turn of the century.
Buffy: Excommunicated and sent to Sunnydale. There's a guy big with the sinning.
Giles: You remember the book that was stolen from the library by a vampire a few weeks ago?
Giles: It was written by Du Lac. Damn it! I let it slip my mind with all the excitement.
Buffy: I'm guessing it wasn't a "Tastes of the Vatican" cookbook.
Buffy: I wish we could be regular kids.
Angel: I'll never be a kid.
Buffy: Okay then, a regular kid and her cradle-robbing, creature-of-the-night boyfriend.
Who was the real power? The Captain, or Tennille? --Xander
Oh, Will, you're supposed to use your powers for good! --Buffy
Jenny: Pretty flimsy excuse for coming by to see me.
Giles: You should have heard the ones I threw out.
Buffy: Oh, Will, you're supposed to use your powers for good.
Willow: Well, I just want to learn stuff.
Buffy: Any others?
Giles: Well, for their sakes, I certainly hope not.
Buffy: What? Kill vampires. It's my job.
Giles: Well, true, true, although you don't usually beat them into quite such a bloody pulp beforehand.
Buffy: Vampires are creeps.
Giles: Yes, that's why we slay them.
Buffy: I mean, people are perfectly happy getting along, and then vampires come, and they run around and they kill people and they take over your whole house. They start making these stupid little mini-pizzas and everyone's like, "Oh, look, a mini-pizza!" but I'm telling you, I am--
Giles: Uh, uh, Buffy. I believe the subtext here is rapidly becoming, uh...text.
How many of us have lost countless productive hours plagued by unwanted sexual thoughts and feelings? [Xander's hand shoots up.] That was a rhetorical question, Mr. Harris. Not a poll. --Mr. Whitmore
Giles: I suppose there is a sort of Machiavellian ingenuity to your transgression.
Xander: I resent that! Or possibly, thank you...
Xander: You know, the whole "Sex leads to responsibility" thing, which I personally don't get. Take care of the egg, it's a baby. You gotta keep it safe and teach it Christian values.
Willow: My egg is Jewish.
Xander: Then teach it that dreidel song.
Xander: I really needed that.
Cordy: Yeah, like a hole in the head.
Xander: Giles! He must be out somewhere.
Buffy: Well, he picked a hell of a time to get a life.
Psst...we're going to destroy the world. Want to come? --Dru
That must've been my multiple personality talking. I call him Idiot Jed. Always glutton for punishment. --Xander
You can't spend the rest of your life waiting for Xander to wake up and smell the hottie. Make a move. Do the talking thing. --Buffy to Willow
Did anyone else see that guy turn to dust? --Oz
Actually, that explains a lot. --Oz
I said date. --Willow
My boyfriend had a bicentennial. --Buffy
See, I like it that you’re unpredictable. --Oz
Do it again! Do it again! --Drusilla
My people before I was changed they exchanged this as a sign of devotion. It's a claddaugh ring. The hands represent friendship, the crown represents loyalty, and the heart, well you know. Wear it with the heart pointing towards you it means you belong to somebody. --Angel
Angel: I love you. I try not to, but I can't stop.
Buffy: Me--Me, too. I can't either.
Giles: If Drusilla is alive, it could be a very...cataclysmic state of affairs.
Xander: Again, so many words! Couldn't you just say, "We'd be in trouble"?
Giles: Go to class, Xander.
Xander: Gone. Notice the economy of phrasing: "Gone." Simple. Direct.
What's that do? --The Judge (right before he's blown to pieces with a rocket launcher)
Parts. We get parts. Our job SUCKS! --Cordelia
Well, to the casual observer, it would appear that you’re trying to make your friend Xander jealous, or even the score, or something. And...that’s on the empty side. See, in my fantasy, when I’m kissing you, you’re kissing me. It’s okay, I can wait. --Oz
Funny how preparing looks an awful lot like sitting on your ass. --Spike
She's stronger then any Slayer you have ever faced. Force won't get it done. You gotta work from the inside. To kill this girl, you have to love her. --Angelus
She made me feel like a human being. That's not the kind of thing you just forgive. --Angelus
You know what you are? Well, I'm upset, and I can't think of a mean word right now, but that's what you are! --Willow
Wow. Wow, I think I'm having a thought. I am. I'm having a thought. And now I'm having a plan. [The lights go out.] And now I'm having a wiggins. --Xander
Oz: So do you guys steal weapons from the army a lot?
Willow: Well, we don't have cable, so we hafta make our own fun.
Soldier: You've got 20 minutes.
Xander: I'll only need five...forget I said that last part.
Dru: I'm naming all the stars.
Spike: You can't see the stars love, that's the ceiling. Also, it's day.
Dru: I can see them, but I've named them all the same name and there's terrible confusion. I fear there may be a duel.
Willow: I knew it! I knew it! I knew, but not in the sense of knowing. But I knew something was up! You two were fighting way too much! It's unnatural!
Xander: I know... it's weird.
Willow: Weird?! It's Cordelia! Remember? From the "I Hate Cordelia Club" of which you are the treasurer!
Xander: I know. I was gonna tell you.
Willow: Gee, what stopped you? Could it be shame?
Xander: OK, let's overreact shall we?
Xander: Wil, it's just a kiss. That's all.
Willow: No... it just means you'd rather be with someone you hate... than be with me.
Buffy: Oh, my God! I was freaking out! You just disappeared.
Angelus: What? I took off.
Buffy: But you didn't say anything. You just left.
Angelus: Yeah. Like I really wanted to stick around after that.
Angelus: You got a lot to learn about men, kiddo. Although I guess you proved that last night.
Buffy: What are you saying?
Angelus: Let's not make an issue out of it, okay? In fact, let's not talk about it at all. It happened.
Buffy: I..I don't understand. Was it me? Was I not good?
Angelus: You were great. Really. I thought you were a pro.
Buffy: How can you say this to me?
Angelus: Lighten up. It was a good time. It doesn't mean like we have to make a big deal.
Buffy: It is a big deal!
Angelus: It's what? Bells ringing, fireworks, a dulcet choir of pretty little birdies? Come on, Buffy. It's not like I've never been there before.
Buffy: Don't touch me.
Angelus: I should've known you wouldn't be able to handle it.
Buffy: Angel! I love you.
Angelus: Love you, too. I'll call you.
How about letting the door hit you on the ass on the way out of town. --Buffy
Defender of, um, things that need defending. --Xander
I shot Oz. --Willow
I spoke to Giles. He said I'll be okay. I just have to lock myself up around the full moon. Only he used more words than that...and a globe. --Oz
Yeah, OK, werewolf. That's not all the time. I mean, 3 days out of the month I'm not much fun to be around either. --Willow
Because when you're not babbling about poor, defenseless Willow, you are raving about the all-powerful Buffy. --Cordelia
By being prepared, you have the power. Okay, everyone get into your assigned groups. --Coach
Giles: And it acts on pure instinct. No conscience, predatory and aggressive.
Buffy: In other words, your typical male.
Xander: On behalf of my gender, hey.
Giles: Yes, let's not jump to any conclusions.
Buffy: I didn't jump. I took a tiny step, and there the conclusions were.
Willow: I'll give Xander a call. What's his number? Oh, yeah: "1-800-I'm-Dating-A-Skanky-Ho."
Willow: Really? Thanks! I've never gotten a "me-ow" before.
Giles: Yes, I must admit, I am intrigued. Werewolves. It's one of the classics. I'm sure my books and I are in for a fascinating afternoon.
Buffy: He needs to get a pet.
Cordy: What's he waiting for? What's his problem? Oh, that's right. He's a guy.
Willow: Yeah. Him and Xander. Guys.
Cordy: Who do they think they are?
Willow: A couple of guys.
Willow: I'm sorry everything turned out like it did, with me shooting you and all.
Oz: I'm sorry I almost ate you....I mean, it's not every day you find out you're a werewolf. That's fairly freaksome.
Willow: So, I'd still if you'd still.
Oz: I'd still. I'd very still.
Willow: OK. No biting, though.
Willow: I can't figure him out. He's so hot and cold. Well, lukewarm and cold.
Buffy: Welcome to the mystery that is men. I think it goes something like, they grow body hair, they lose all ability to tell you what they really want.
Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered
I do what I wanna do, and I wear what I wanna wear. And you know what? I'll date whoever the hell I want to date! --Cordy
Really not an issue. --Buffy
OK, Harmony, if you need to borrow my Midol, just ask. --Cordy
I'm going to act like a man...and hide. --Xander
If I thought you had one clue as to what this would mean to me... but you don't. So I can't. --Xander
Valentine's Day is a cheap gimmick to sell cards and chocolate. --Buffy
Drusilla: How do you feel about eternal life?
Xander: We couldn't just start with coffee?
Drusilla: Your face, I can read it like a poem.
Xander: Does it say "spare me?"
Willow: Xander, what happend? Did Cordelia win another round in the broom closet?
Xander: You're just a big bucket of funny, Will.
Xander: I have a plan. We use me as bait.
Buffy: You mean make Angel come after you?
Xander: No, I mean chop me into little pieces and put me on hooks for fish to nibble at, because that'd be more fun than my life.
Angelus: Dear Buffy. I'm still trying to decide the best way to send my regards.
Spike: Why don't you rip her lungs out? That ought to make an impression.
Angelus: Lacks poetry.
Spike: Doesn't have to. What rhymes with lungs?
Buffy: I seem to be having a slight case of nudity here.
Oz: But you're not a rat, so call it an upside.
Passion. It lies in all of us--
Sleeping, waiting, and though
Unwanted, unbidden, it will
Stir--open its jaws and howl.
It speaks to us, guides us;
Passion rules us all--and we
Obey. What other choice do we have?
Passion is the source of our finest moments:
The joy of love, the clarity of hatred, the ecstasy of grief.
It hurts sometimes more than we can bear.
If we could live without passion, maybe
We'd know some kind of peace. But we
Would be hollow--empty rooms, shuttered and dark.
Without passion, we'd be truly dead. --Angelus
The "na, na, na, na, na, na, na" approach to battle. --Xander
She's a real teacher until the other teacher comes back, or else chaos will ensue. --Willow
Oh, no. My life's not too complicated. --Xander
I can't hold on to the past anymore. Angel has gone. Nothing's ever gonna bring him back. --Buffy
Been there, done that. Deja vu just isn't what it used to be. --Angelus
I swear, men can be such jerks sometimes. Dead or alive. --Willow
Xander: Hello! Excuse me, but have you ever heard of knocking?
Student: We're supposed to get some books. On Stalin.
Xander: Does this look like a Barnes & Noble?
Giles: This is the school library, Xander.
Xander: Since when?
Giles: In my years as... Watcher... I've buried... too many people. But Jenny was the first I've loved.
Buffy: I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't kill him for you... for her... when I had the chance. I wasn't ready.
Killed By Death
My whole life just flashed before my eyes...I gotta get me a life. --Xander
Frogs! Frogs! Get them off of me! Oh, my God! Frogs! Get them off of me! Please! Oh, get them off! Frogs! Frogs! Oh, my God! Everywhere! Get them! --Willow
Not her, the other one! --Buffy
Power Girl to the rescue! --Buffy
Angelus: Uh, oh, this does not look good for our heroine!
Xander: Take a walk, overbite.
Giles: Do you have any tact at all?
Cordelia: Tact means just not saying true stuff, so forget it, no.
Xander: You don't know how to kill this thing?
Buffy: I thought I might try violence.
Xander: Cordy, you should go with Giles.
Giles: Why do I have to have...? Good thinking, I could do with a research assistant.
Cordelia: Let's go, Tact Guy.
Cordelia: Eww, what does this do?
Cordelia: What does this do?
Giles: Uh, it, uh, extracts vital organs to replenish its own mutating cells.
Cordelia: Wow! What does this one do?
Giles: Um, i-it elongates its mouth to, uh, engulf its victim's head with its incisors.
Cordelia: Ouch. Wait, what does this one do?
Giles: (frustrated) It asks endless questions of those with whom it's supposed to be working so that nothing is getting done.
Cordelia: Boy, there's a demon for everything.
Buffy: Yeah, but I’m still the Slayer. And as long as I am, Angel’s not gonna kill anybody else.
Angelus: Aw, c’mon. Just one more...[after they fight] Not feeling well, lover?
Buffy: That helps.
Angelus: You know, you being off your game’s kinda takin’ the fun out of all this....Nope, still fun! Uh-oh. This does not look good for our heroine! We'll have to do this again sometime.
Xander: Visiting hours are over.
Angelus: Well, I’m pretty much family.
Xander: Yeah. Why don’t you come back during the day? Oh, gee, no, I guess you can’t.
Angelus: If I decide to walk into Buffy’s room, do you think for one microsecond that you could stop me?
Xander: Maybe not. Maybe that security guard couldn’t either. Or those cops... or the orderlies... But I’m kinda curious to find out. You game?
Angelus: Buffy’s White Knight. You still love her. It must just eat you up that I got there first.
Xander: You’re gonna die. And I’m gonna be there.
Angelus: Tell her I stopped by.
I Only Have Eyes For You
Oh, yeah, baby. It's snakealicious in here. --Xander
I've read the book, seen the movie, and I'm still fuzzy about what's going on. --Xander
You don't just wake up one day and stop loving somebody! --Buffy (possessed by James)
You thought I stopped loving you, I never did. I loved you with my last breath. Shh, no more tears. --Angel
To forgive is an act of compassion, Buffy. It's not done because people deserve it. It's done because they need it. --Giles
Willow: The only solution is the final solution.
Xander: Nuke the school?
Willow: Xander? What happened? Did Cordelia win another round in the broom closet?
Xander:You're just a big bucket of funny, Will. I'll have you know I was just accosted by some kind of, um, locker monster.
Giles: Loch Ness Monster?
Willow: Everything seems normal. Not a snake, not a wasp.
Cordelia: Yep. School can open again tomorrow.
Xander: Explain to me again how that's a good thing.
Cordelia: I'm drawing a blank.
That is wrong. Big, fat, spanking wrong. Its a slap in the face to every one of us that studied hard and worked long hours to earn our Ds. --Xander
And raises the possibility that someone brought forth the sea monster from whence it came to exact that revenge. “From whence it came”? (to Giles) I'm spending way too much time around you. --Buffy
Cordelia: Xander?! What the hell are you doing here?!
Xander: Shh...I'm undercover.
Buffy: Not under much.
Buffy: So something ripped him open and ate out his insides?
Willow: Like an Oreo cookie. Well, except for, you know...without the chocolatey cookie goodness.
Buffy: Well, um...it's a little embarrassing. You see, I'm a swim groupie.
Buffy: Oh, yeah. You know, there's just something about the smell of chlorine on a guy. Oh, baby.
There's moments in your life that make you, that set the course for who you're going to be. Sometimes they're little subtle moments, sometimes they're not. --Angel
Bottom line is, even if you see 'em coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really, but it does. So, what are we, helpless? Puppets? Nah. The big moments are gonna come, you can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts. That's when you find out who you are. --Whistler
She's gonna have it tough, that Slayer. She's just a kid. And the world is full of big bad things. --Whistler
No one ever asks for their life to change, not really. But it does. --Whistler
Come on, Will. Look, you don't have a choice here. Wake up. I need you. I mean, how am I gonna pass Trig, ya know? And who am I going to call every night and talk about everything we did all day? You're my best friend. You've always...I love you. --Xander
Cavalry's here! Cavalry's a frightened guy with a rock, but he's here! --Xander
The whole Earth may be sucked into Hell, and you want my help because your girlfriend's a big ho? Well, let me take this opportunity to not care. --Buffy to Spike
No, it doesn't stop! It never stops! Do-do you think I chose to be like this? Do you have any idea how lonely it is, how dangerous? I would love to be upstairs watching TV or gossiping about boys or... God, even studying! But I have to save the world... again. --Buffy
Close your eyes.... --Buffy to Angel
Okay, I pretty much missed out on some stuff, didn’t I? Because this is all making a kind of sense that’s, like... not. --Oz
You see? You see your power? --Watcher
And you've got people. Billions of people walking around like happy meals with legs. --Spike
You thought I was guilty? Geez, feel the love in this room. --Buffy
I missed out on some stuff, didn't I, because this is all making the kind of sense that's...not. --Oz
Keep out of it, sit-and-spin. --Angelus to Spike
My friends, we're about to make history...end. --Angelus
Why don't you try getting off your immortal ass and fighting evil once in a while? I'm sick and tired of doing it myself. --Buffy
And what are you going to teach? Advanced Loser Being? --Cordy to Xander
Look, it's a big rock. I can't wait to tell my friends. They don't have a rock this big. --Spike
I don't want to hurt you baby. [knocks out Dru] Doesn't mean I won't. --Spike
Willow: Okay, somebody explain the whole "he will suck the world into hell" thing, because that's the part I'm not loving.
Giles Well, the, uh, the demon universe exists in a dimension separate from our own. With one breath, Acathla will create a vortex, a-a kind of, um... whirlpool that will pull everything on Earth into that dimension, where any non-demon life will suffer horrible and... eternal torment.
Buffy: So that would be the literal kind of "sucked into hell". (smiles nervously) Neat.
Buffy: Who are you?
Buffy: What are you doing here?
Whistler: Waiting for you.
Whistler: Because I need a date to the prom.
Buffy: I have had a really bad day, OK? If you have information worth hearing, I am grateful for it. If you're gonna crack jokes, I'm gonna pull out your ribcage and wear it as a hat.
Whistler: Hello to the imagery. Very nice.
Principle Snyder: These public displays of affection are not acceptable in my school. This isn't an orgy people, it's a classroom.
Buffy: Yeah, where they teach lunch.
Willow: This means I can't help you study for tomorrow's final.
Buffy: Ah, I'll wing it. Of course, if we go to hell by then, I won't have to take 'em. Or maybe I'll be taking them forever.
Buffy: You never, ever got a single date in high school, did you?
Principle Snyder: You're point being?
Giles: You're not real.
Xander: Sure I'm real.
Giles: It's a trick to get inside my head, make me see things I want.
Xander: Why would they make you see me?
Giles: You're right. Let's go.
Angelus: You know, I can stop the pain. You've been very brave, but it's over. You've given enough. Now let me make it stop.
Angelus: Just tell me what I need to know.
Giles: In order...to be worthy...you must perform the ritual...in a tutu. Pillock!
Angelus: All right, someone get the chain saw.
Buffy: You named your stake?
Kendra (embarrassed): Yes.
Buffy: Remind me to get you a stuffed animal.
Joyce: Have we met?
Spike: Yeah, you hit me with an axe, remember? (demonstrating) Uh...get the hell away from my daughter...
Joyce: Oh . . . so . . . do you live here in town?
Angel: I want to learn from you, but I don't wanna dress like you.
Whistler: You know kid, your annoying me already.
Angelus: Hello, lover. I wasn’t sure you’d come.
Buffy: After your immolation-o-gram? Come on, I had to show. Shouldn’t you be out destroying the world right now, pulling the sword out of Al Franken or whatever his name is?
Angelus: There’s time enough. I wanted to say goodbye first. You are the one thing in this dimension I will miss.
Buffy: This is a beautiful moment we’re having. Can we please fight?
Angelus: I didn’t come here to fight.
Angelus: Gosh, I was hoping we could get back together. What do you think? Do we have a shot? Alright. We’ll fight. [They fight.] Jeez, is it me, or is your heart not in this? Maybe I’ll just go home, destroy the world.
Buffy: [She pulls out Kendra's stake.] Well, I think Mr. Pointy’ll have something to say about that. Come on. Let’s finish this. You and me.
Angelus: You never learn, do you? This wasn’t about you. This was never about you. [Buffy realizes the trap and runs towards the school.] And you fall for it every single time!
[Buffy arrives at the mansion to stop Angelus from opening Acathla.]
Buffy: Hello, lover.
Angelus: I don’t have time for you.
Buffy: You don’t have a lot of time left.
Angelus: Coming on kind of strong, don’t you think? You’re playing some deep odds here. Do you really think you can take us all on?
Buffy: No, I don't.
[Spike jumps up and attacks Angel before choking Drusilla. Buffy attacks the other vampires. Buffy then grabs her sword and faces Angelus, who has already pulled the sword from Acathla.]
Angelus: You almost made it, Buff.
Buffy: It’s not over yet.
Angelus: My boy Acathla here is about to wake up. You’re going to Hell.
Buffy: Save me a seat.
[Buffy and Angel begin to sword fight intensely. Acathla's mouth begins to slowly open as Spike grabs Drusilla and runs. Angelus knocks Buffy's sword away and pins her to the wall.]
Angelus: That's everything, huh? No weapons, no friends, no hope. Take all that away and what's left?
[He draws back the sword and thrusts it for her face but she catches the blade between her palms.]
Angel: Buffy? What's going on? Where are we? I...I don't remember.
Angel: You're hurt. Oh, Buffy...god. I feel like I haven't seen you in months. Oh, god, everything's so muddled. I oh. Oh, Buffy. What's happening?
Buffy: Shh...Don't worry about it. [They kiss] I love you.
Angel: I love you.
Buffy: Close your eyes.
[They kiss again, and Buffy cries. Then Buffy then stabs him in his gut (not heart) and Angel is sucked into hell.]
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